Seeing signs

I believe in signs from the universe, but I have never been particularly good at interpreting them. I know that if I read a passage and it really spoke to me, when I have had the book for 10 years and only just picked it up, I was meant to read that passage just then. If I think about a place, but have no idea where it is, and then suddenly, there it stands on the road before me, I was meant to go there just then.

It’s when the bad stuff happens that I start to have trouble understanding. For example, when I decide to visit my friend, 3 hours away, why the universe insisted that I blow out not one, but two tires, and then have to spend 500 dollars to get all of my tires replaced. Had my car simply broken down, that would be a sign that I should not have left home, or perhaps I should have stopped in Columbia to see someone on my way, who knows… But I was not so limited, ¬†I still made it to my destination, I just got the added dose of being pretty damn depressed about it all.

Are the actions I commit so outrageous and horrible? When I see so so many other people doing things 10 times worse than me? A simple, “don’t do that,” from the universe and I would probably stop, but why does everything/everyone else have to suffer from what I do? Maybe they aren’t suffering, per se, though my car definitely seems to be. But people are starting to get worried. I’m worried myself.

Obviously, asking for understanding is asking too much, but I simply cannot comprehend it.

While They

While they were all homesick for
the house of their parents,
the hangouts of their friends,
I found myself homesick for
places unknown;
hills untouched by my bare feet;
and streams unclouded by the soil
on my fingers.

While they mourned past
lovers and too-late regrets,
I longed for new lips to caress,
new smiles to encourage,
new skin to melt into.

While they turned west to the new land,
their old memories,
I faced the dark, the ancient, the  medieval
east with new discoveries
and new remembrances.

While they left me there,
calling me unnatural,
turned away when I only thought to give them love.
I gave my love anew,
to rocks and trees, and
language and you.