I was so excited about this month; about writing and sharing the good and bad product of the NaPoWriMo challenge with you all. I mean, I’ve been involved in it for the past 3 years, off and on this blog. Unfortunately, I came across a few too many obstacles in no specific order:
- I started traveling at the beginning of the month to visit with family and friends–some of whom I had not seen in over two years. So the voyage was necessary, but also wore me out. Especially after factoring in the time I spent actually travelling from place to place throughout SC. And obligatory as it was, my routine has been completely thrown off–and even a week after returning to the farm I am still struggling to hit my stride again.
- I’ve also spent the past several weeks searching for a teaching job. This has required a lot of research, and (because I’m me) a lot of OCD spreadsheet-making before I was even ready to begin actually applying/sending out resumes and honing cover letters for specific schools. I’m actually still waiting to begin on the last part, due to procrastination, fear of rejection and a general sense of doubt now that I’m in the thick of it.
- Whether it’s because of the job anxiety, or the traveling/major extroversion, or loss of routine, I’ve found myself floating above the abyss that I call depression. I’ve dipped into it momentarily a few times in the past month, but so far, each day I get up and try again. Obviously, I don’t want to abandon myself to it, and I also really don’t have time for it–but the struggle definitely leaves me exhausted and lacking in major focus. Focus, which I need for job applications as much as for writing. And, honestly, I hoped that the writing exercise could jump start the job exercise–since, if I do get a job, most of my creativity will be geared towards teaching instead of my own personal explorations, simply because of time constraints, for the next couple of years.
- For the first ten days or so of NaPoWriMo I also didn’t find myself that inspired by the prompts. Perhaps because I was anticipating more form prompts instead of these abstract/idea prompts. Or maybe because the “Curse of the Thesis” still has a hold on me and I’m still trying to move on from that project but haven’t gathered enough space yet to generate enough creativity. Or I have sapped my reserves in trying to craft a various amount of gifts for the people I went to visit (they all received belated christmas/birthday/housewarming/marriage/baby gifts). However, as I’ve gone through the past few days and their prompts, and as I try to resume my walks to regulate my routine and my cognitive function, I’ve seen some options that have sparked an idea, and have had time to think about a prompt and begin to develop something in my mind. So we’ll see if anything can come from it, with only 10 days left of the challenge.
So, that’s some of what’s going on in my headspace and why I have not been able to fulfill my promise to myself and to you, those who do read and enjoy what I put forth. There was actually a previous version of this post, and chances are it was either whinier or at the very least had a less logical voice–having written it last night at 1am, after losing an entire questionnaire I had typed up for a job due to an app crash on my iPad. And then losing a completed blog post after another app crashed on my Ipad. Suffice it to say, I gave up and went to bed to try again today on a more reliable source. And while, today I’m not where I want to be, I am a little bit closer, and I know tomorrow, I’ll be another step ahead. So I hope something creative will come from that, as much as something productive in regards to my other duties at present.
Hoping that if you are struggling through something that it gets resolved soon, or that the struggle becomes easier to manage with each day.
Hello readers, writers, movers and shakers:
It’s that time of the year again, where I drum up content by participating in NAPOWRIMO!
That’s all I really have to say. I’m in the midst of traveling and job applications, so I’ll most likely write the poems and either forget to post them, or post them in large clumps. Either way, they are coming, and hopefully soon I can really delve into my monthly 100 word stories, which I believe I promised myself that I would start at the beginning of January.
What can you do, you create a list of 5 things you want to accomplish in 2016, and you make good on 4 out of 5 of those promises before April. I feel like you should call that a success.
At any rate, I hope this message finds you well, creative, and healthful.
Stay curious. Stay eager.
P.S. For any who are interested in participating/are looking for prompts/wondering about the upcoming hyperlinks under NAPOWRIMO, should check out www.napowrimo.net.
I know I haven’t posted anything in quite a few months, but I must admit it is for a very good reason.
I have been working feverishly and trying to stay extremely positive (with great effort, I will admit) towards finishing up my thesis and my MFA.
I am elated to say, though, that last Monday I defended my thesis for an hour and a half and somehow it was passed. And today, after getting all of my signatures and making edits, I submitted my thesis Stranger Things Have Happened: A Collection for binding and submission to the university. So, I guess I’m officially done!
My director is pushing me to start submitting things, but I think she will also forgive me if I let the pages sit for a little bit before going back to them. After all, I have to start looking for income now!
I thought maybe I wanted to spend a moment in reflection about the MFA and the process, but I don’t want to color it rosy and act like it was a wonderful experience, because it really wasn’t–and for many different reasons. However, I am thankful for some of the things I had the chance to do, and for some of the people I would have never met or had the guts to meet if I hadn’t enrolled in the program. And especially because of the writing that I may never have written if I hadn’t been forced to because of a due date.
But of course, there is still much to do, so wander off now I probably will.
I hope to resume the 100 words pieces if not weekly, bi-monthly as well as some sporadic musings and sketches.
Hoping that whomever this reaches is having a happy holiday, and that they meet the new year with bright eyes and kind hearts.
Just wanted to write a little aside about how I have had this blog for 3 years with a total of 120 posts. I think the majority of those posts have been within the past five months, but who’s to say.
And also ask those in the internetverse to throw some creative juices and focus and strength my way. I have 10 pages of draft to write up by Monday and after that probably another 50 or so to punch out by August. It is my continued hope that the weekly 100s and the constant reading that I have been doing of late will aid towards these goals, but any support in words or caffeine is appreciated 🙂 I’ll be kind in returning!
For anyone who follows this blog, you will notice I sort of tapered off after day 22 of the PAD. For that I apologise. I actually did write poems for most of the days between 23 and 30, but I also got a little burned out and lost my motivation for the writing. I think that is probably the drawback of a month long challenge. Especially knowing that I wanted to do the May challenge as well. Originally, I thought April would be my warm up for some (hopefully) beneficial May writing towards my thesis. Well, I’m 6 days in and I haven’t physically or electronically written anything–which I think could have been implied by the burn out. That doesn’t mean my mind hasn’t been thinking, and writing. It’s weak flickers so far, but hopefully I’ll be fanning the fire soon and back in full swing.
In the meantime, I had a fun month of travelling, experiencing and seeing all sorts of things, and of course dealing with your run of the mill anxiety and break down. No worries though, I’m pushing through to the next bright morning (look at me with all of these metaphors). Step one was writing this post for the couple of you who are sticking with me through these silly, sometimes profound writing moments and all of the inbetweens.
The second step is uploading the poems I wrote for the missing days in April over the next couple of days. I’m missing in all 5 days from the 30 day challenge, and I feel like that is pretty exceptional and I can’t be mad at myself for it.
The third step is to try getting on paper a few of the May prompts and hopefully uploading some samples or maybe thoughts about those prompts as the weeks go on. I will still be posting my weekly 100 words, so keep an eye out for this week’s “Leaving” story.
In the meantime, I hope everyone is doing fabulous, and if you are having trouble, just keep looking for the small happy moments–It’s those that get me through the day! Or just laughing at the ill-luck, because most of it is pretty ridiculous and inevitable.
Until next post!