Doctrine of Light

  • Open your eyes
  • Feel the skin on your palms, smooth tactile sensors
  • Fold them, fingers splaying out, fronds
  • Raise your eyes skyward, but mask them through lashes–keep your sight humble
  • Accept that you know nothing except the air that you breath and the light that awakens you each day by resting on your nose
  • Ask that you may one day know pure emotion
  • Ask for the strength to handle it
  • Cup your hands and sigh into them, holding the warm breath as it slips through finger cracks
  • Close your eyes
  • Fall backwards, arms stretched forward
  • Feel the drop cradle you as your own light slips through the cracks



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Randomly choosing a word from the dictionary is more difficult than it may seem. Writing 100 words is just as difficult. I wanted to play with form as well this time, and I am still not 100% about the outcome. I did want to post this though, even if it isn’t the official 100 words for my week. It kind of just feels good to put words down. 

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Thankful Journaling

I was perusing this article earlier because it caught my eye on feedly for a couple of reasons. The first is that I have to find a journal for my trip to Belize which I am supposed to write in while I am there everyday (though I have intentions to write in it before and after about expectations and so on.) The other reason is that in another class we were discussing the physical health benefits of writing down/processing through writing and art episodes of suffering or stress and how doing so, when done right, actually boosts white blood cells, and mood and la ti dah. Also, I’m going through a lot of things, in case absolutely no post from this blog tipped you off, so I identified with it. I think what I want to do (which is insane with all of the writing I am doing for school) is to pop in here every now and again with things I’m grateful for. For example, it’s been a tough week, and my confidence has been up and down, but there have been significant moments that I want to thank, but have no way (at least to me) that I can put it out there, so why not here, where I have made the space? I’m not sure how disconnected all of that sounds, but to break it down:

I read an article. I liked the idea. I’m going to recreate it here every now and again. 

 

With that, this week I am grateful for:

1) Hearing from my best friend. I haven’t seen her in almost a month and I miss her, and I hope she is doing a lot better. It was good to talk, like we used to when things weren’t so blue. I loved hearing about her experiments in cheese-making.

2) I am thankful for having developed some aspect of time management. It’s still in beta mode, but because I have so much I have to accomplish in a short time, it’s really comforting knowing that I still have this ability to really step up to a challenge (or several at once) and get them done. It’ll serve me well next year when I am in low-res.

3) I appreciate my professor (future advisor for low-res) handling my crying as soon as I walked in the door in the most sincere and sweet fashion, while maintaining a focused attitude towards what needs to be done to make sure I am happy, or on the road to such things. (I’m tearing up now by how absolutely sweet she was.) I also appreciate my other advisor’s absolutely “cool dude” attitude which saved me from crying when talking about the same stuff the next day. I’m basically surrounded by a great faculty.

4) I don’t want to lop all of my friends together, but I am always grateful for them. Even the ones who I felt I have grown apart from surprised me this week with old jokes, super kind words, and just general “being there” despite being physically separated.

5) I’m the most excited and thankful for the birth of my other best friend’s baby girl. We’ve gone through rough patches for many years now, and recently we decided to distance ourselves from each other. But that all disappears when I see a photo with him and his daughter. That simple act of creation, and of caring, a love that truly is indescribable just resonates and fills me with such emotion. I told my sister I wanted babies now, haha, but really and truly it’s just so beautiful and I have such faith in him, and I can only hope that he is allowed to be with her and that the only complications he has to deal with is her attitude when she turns 13, because that’s a right of passage every parent goes through. (That turned into a run-on, but emotions tend to do that)

 

Well, there’s my five. Now, off to get work done! I am already anticipating things to be thankful for next week!

The Memory Jar

memory jarThis past year I decided to create a memory jar–idea from pinterest. The basic concept was to write a good memory from each day, even the bad ones I had to find some positive spin, write it down and put it in the jar. By the time Jan 1 the next year came around I should have a memory for everyday that I can reminisce over.

This is a good idea in that it forces me to think good for a second everyday. It’s bad in that while looking over memories I feel sad because they are either gone, or turned sour.

So, I’ve tried the experiment. I appreciate what it is trying to do, but I think instead of reading through each one, I’ll toss them out (I’d love to burn them because 1. fire and 2. symbolism) and open things up for new experiences, and hope for a good moment everyday. 2013 was a roller coaster, and it sort of ended in a horrific crash, but here I am, keeping on.

 

I have a few resolutions this year, and by resolutions, I mean goals:

1. Figure out why my entire body seems to be at war with itself and take measures to bring peace.

2. Be published in at least one journal by the end of the year.

3. Figure out where I am going to be in August.

4. Learn to love again.

5. Stay alive.