What should I find on my phone but…

Ok, sorry if this offends someone–I mean if sex bothers you. As a southerner from a conservative town, I am supposed to be super shy about sex, and I am, but at the same time, I still have my opinions.

Now, something I don’t get often in my texts are pictures of a penis or a dildo, or any of that. I’m at work the other day and I get a text from one of my friends. I’m excited ’cause she never texts me, and I had had a heart to heart with her the other day about how we don’t talk anymore, so you can fill in the rest.

Well, it turns out she has sent me this multimedia message, I think it’s probably some crazy customer she had or whatever. But I ramble. Anyway, thank goodness I wasn’t in the middle of a class or the look on my face would have given me away.

What should I see but a picture of a dildo. But not just any dildo, she wouldn’t be so crass, it is a Twilight-themed dildo. That is to say, a pale-ass penis that shimmers, and that has the capabilities to be “chilled” so as to simulate a “real vampire copulation sequence” (these are all my words, actually.) Well, see, she had told me about this thing a while back, and I had told a couple friends, because I absolutely hate Twilight, everything it stands for, etc, and I just about despaired for all of humankind when I found out such a thing existed.

She sent this picture to me to show that such a thing really and truly exists, and that you could actually purchase one. And this got me thinking (oh finally the point of the story!) — people get off to the weirdest fucking things.

Imagine, if you will, that you’ve gone to a mate’s house and you have to go the bathroom or something. And maybe the bathroom goes through their bedroom, or not, whatever. But say on your venture to the bathroom you come across your friend’s personal toys. It happens, I have had such awkward situations occur with myself (just lucky I guess.) Now, imagine you do this, and you come across a personal toy that is glittering? Or an Edward blow-up doll with attachments or whatever. How much more awkward does that situation become? The first I would be like… “you go girl, do what you need to do, I ain’t judging.” The second, I would not be able to look at her in the face (and I’m actually not one to judge people hardcore about stuff.) [In neither situation, however, would I bring up what I saw. It’s private I tell you!]

I’m not even talking here about the roleplaying, S/M or even that very curious phenomenon (to me) of the Swingers, these things, are odd in themselves, but they’ve been around, we’re used to it, though it’s “whoa-so” taboo to talk about.

What I’m talking about is a glittering penis, or a guy who wants a woman who can re-enact the robotic dinosaur noises from Jurassic park as she’s going down on him, or like people who walk around with fake pointed ears, or fangs, or ridges on their foreheads, that kind of roleplaying. Part of me accepts this, people are diverse, and odd, and freakish, and sometimes wonderful for it.

But damn, I wonder if the human body isn’t enough? That’s allegedly some pretty sexy shit right there, and yet people keep dressing it up and down–stretching it this way and that–until we aren’t human anymore.

Maybe we’ve been desensitised, what with all the porn, and sexual situations all over TV. At least before people got off to people because they were so frustrated and repressed as far as society and the media were concerned (I’m not sure what kind of message I am trying to send here.) But it just makes me wonder, that if we have to go through all of that, just to do something natural, how impotent are we as a society? I guess you could probably look at a newspaper and figure it out, but seriously. We are stretching and skewing so much, that we are losing what it is to be human, to have a soul, to love.

I suggested, perhaps a global strike. Like Lysistrata did with Sparta. No sex until all this sexual culture brings back the beauty of the body, the real body. If anything, people will be so starved, the sight of a bare ankle will send them over.

I am not trying to hate on sex or anything, if that is what it seems like, and like I said, the way  you live your life “in the bedroom” is your own deal, I’m not in there, so we won’t have an issue with my inability to make robot noises. However, society as a whole has become so sexualised that I just can’t jive with it. It’s almost stuck in this sex rut, hungry for like an orgy, but so incapable of it. Maybe I’m romantical, and I think that that kind of stuff should stay between you and your partner(s) and not just thrown out there; or maybe it should have something to do with love (hey, I’m 23 and naïve and I’m gonna stay that way!) I believe you can still be super sexual, and never have anyone know the specifics of it. If anything, that’s probably more sexy.

Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Digits? (just kidding about the last part.)

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